


Brews of Trouble

by DragonLover19



Category: Don't Starve (Video Game)
Genre: A lot - Freeform, Alternate Universe - Creatures & Monsters, Ghosts, Human Wilson - Freeform, Humor, Mermaids, Monsters, Mummies, Potions, Skeletons, Spells & Enchantments, Vampire Maxwell - Freeform, Vampire Wendy, Vampires, Were-Creatures, Wilson gets hurt, Wilson loves puns, Witch Wickerbottom, Witches, Woodie is basically the same, puns
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-07
Updated: 2019-12-14
Packaged: 2020-06-24 11:32:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19722838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DragonLover19/pseuds/DragonLover19
Summary: There were so many things Maxwell could count beyond his hand that could go wrong when you live with someone who did not understand the word 'safety'. Or even the basics of safety and cation when it was all thrown out the window at the fist sight of a new brew to make or 'prefect'. Honestly, he had given up all hope for reasoning with the strange man at this point. But it didn't mean he was ever used to the strangness the human brought with him where ever he went.





	1. Brew Improvment?

It was a nice bright day outside.

Clear skies, perfect temperature, the wind blowing a gentle breeze that rustled the leaves in the trees while all assortment of birds flew in the air or sang tunes in the branches.

All perfect reasons for Maxwell… to stay indoors and read today's newspaper.

It wasn’t that Maxwell hated the outdoors… okay he _loathed_ the outdoors. He wasn’t a man to just simply open the door and walk out into the sunlight. No, he rather much preferred to stay inside his house sitting in his favorite red crimson chair reading the news article while the fire burned in the fireplace and the chime of the old grandfather clock going off in the background.

These were the type of days he enjoyed to have. Calm. Quiet. And peaceful…

Right up until a loud explosion went off in the second floor of the house.

The paper scrunched in his hold, jumping slightly before glaring up and the ceiling when a voice shouted ‘Everything’s Okay! I swear I had it that time!’ before glancing at the grandfather clock.

“Huh. A whole two hours. That’s a new record.” Maxwell muttered to himself, folding up the newspaper and tucking it under his arm. In a blink he was out of his favorite chair and standing in front of a white door, rapping his knuckles on the wood twice.

“It’s clear!” The voice of his roommate shouted through the door. Rolling his eye, Maxwell opened the door just enough for his head to poke through. The very definition of alchemy laboratory stood before his site as Maxwell, seeing nothing on fire this time, stepped into the room with a disgruntled look on his face.

Beakers lined the desks, cabinets full of unidentifiable objects covered the walls, various pots frilled with exotic plants hung up from the ceiling. Shelves filled with books and paper sticking out here and there while the home they were supposed to be in was occupied by medical and surgical instruments of science. One end of the room had a lone door where a deep growl emanated from, scratch marks littered around the wood and frame with only a single sign hung on it that read ‘DANGER! Suzanna's Room! **_KEEP OUT!_** Unless you’re me or Maxwell’.

“Alright. I’ll bite. What did you try to make _this_ time?” Maxwell sighed as he stepped closer to the middle of the room where his roommate stood covered in soot over large caldron was brewing… something.

“Heh. _Bite_.” He chuckled, shaking his large black mess of hair on top his head.

Maxwell shot him a glare, silencing the young man. “What. Are. You. Making. Wilson?”

“I’m trying to improve one of my older brews.” Wilson gestured to the caldron, dusting off the soot from his pale face. “The weather one.”

Maxwell groaned, rubbing his face.

“Hey! It’s not going to be like last time! I swear I got all the kinks out this time! No frogs will be raining this time! Or cats. Or dogs. O-or mules. Or rabbits. Or fireballs.”

“See. That last one is what concerns me the most.” Maxwell sighed, handing Wilson the paper. “The _last_ time you tried to ‘improve’ one of your older concoctions, something bad always winds up happening.”

“No it does not!” Wilson slammed the paper down on the closest table, crossing his arms. “My brews happen to be quite useful!”

“When they’re not exploding in everyone’s faces.” Maxwell peered into the caldron, watching the dark liquid bubble. “Hey, um, is it supposed to be this color?”

“Of course!” Wilson peered into the caldron, frowning. “At least… I _think_ it’s supposed to be that color. Hang on. I can fix this!” With that, the wild haired man went over to the back wall cupboards, flinging them open and rummaging inside for something.

Maxwell glanced at between his roommate and the caldron, taking slow steps backwards towards the door, closing it behind him and calmly but quickly went down the stairs, grabbing his coat at the end of the rail and putting it on quickly. With long strides he went over to the front door, stopping to grab his umbrella that hung on the wall and turn around, placing two fingers in his mouth and blow out a silent sound.

There was a loud crash from the other room, and a round, orange, furry creature came bounding over to Maxwell in fast hops. Maxwell scooped the creature up into his arms, opening his umbrella with a flick of his wrist, and stepped out the front door.

Quickly, Maxwell went out the door, through the front yard, passed the fence, stepping into the woods that surrounded the small house he owned, passing the old oak, stepping over the bridge, climbed the small hill, and came to a stop at a small lake.

“This should be a safe distance.” Maxwell muttered, placing the creature down and looked back at his home and waited.

“Another experiment I presume?” Maxwell jumped, twisting around to find an elderly woman standing at the other end of the pound.

“Ms. Wickerbottom! How nice to see you this afternoon.” Maxwell smiled uneasily.

“How unusual to see you awake this late in the day Maxwell.” Wickerbottom adjusted her glasses, glaring at the tall man.

“Wh-Whatever do you mean? I’m usually awake during daylight hours.” Maxwell tried to force his composer as the old woman walked slowly towards him. “It’s not that odd to see me up so late.”

“Normally no. Not unless you happened to be out of that potion your human makes you.” Wickerbottom stood before the tall man, crossing her arms. “You don’t usual go out in the daylight with your umbrella since you rely on that potion so much.” She pointed at the object.

The same said object that cast a very deep shadow that covered the man in almost complete darkness.

“Oi! I’ll have you know that I _rely_ on anything!”

“Says the vampire who lives with a human.”

“Technically, that _human_ has a name _and_ he lives with me. I own the place. Secondly I can be out and about at whatever time I please. I don’t need that potion all the time.”

Wickerbottom rolled her eyes. “Whatever you say dearie. Though I am concerned to whatever your human is making now that would force you and Chester out of the house this late in the day.” She glanced at the creature sitting beside Maxwell’s feet.

“Brew improvement.”

“Ah. Which one?”

Before Maxwell could say anything, there was a loud explosion. The pair looked out to where the house stood. Black columns of smoke wafted out the blasted windows, hovering up high into the sky gathering up into clouds that quickly soon covered the sun, rumbling deeply.

It then preceded to rain bubbles that smelled like lavender.

“… Well. At least it’s not fireballs this time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "And you thought it would only get worse!"
> 
> "Yes, yes. You proved me wrong. Now hold still! You still have glass in your face!"


	2. Icy Home

Maxwell woke up cold.

Being a vampire, you would think it was natural for vampires to enjoy being in cold, dark, isolated places. Well, out of the two those were correct. Maxwell did live out miles far away from the closest monster city deep in the thick woods, and he did enjoy the dark as his eyes weren’t blinded by the harsh light of the sun.

Wilson had promised him that he was still trying to make the right brew for that.

But waking up in his coffin cold to the bone?

_BLOODY BONES TO THE GREAT SŌZŌNUSHI NO!_

Flinging his coffin open, Maxwell sat up to find the whole room covered in a thin layer of ice that was slowly thickening. Ice covered his belongings, his wardrobe, the stairs, the candle stands, the floor, and the spare blood packs in the cabinet he kept down in the cellar with him. And there was only one culprit capable of this.

“ _WILSON!_ ” Maxwell growled, stepping out of his coffin, nearly slipping on the ice as he made his way to his wardrobe.

“ _Everything is perfectly under control!_ ” Wilson’s voice yelled from the main floor as Maxwell tugged on the handle, breaking off the said handle, and growled. Forgoing any sense of gentleman inside him, he ripped off the wardrobe’s frozen doors and took out his thickest coat and put it on.

Immediately warmth seeped into his cold dead body, sighing happily with relief. He was ever so grateful Wickerbottom enchanted his clothing.

Warm against the cold, Maxwell quickly turned his attention back on his main mission. He slipped a few times trying to climb the stairs before giving up and teleporting to the main level of the room. To none of his surprise, it was no better off than his room down in the cellar.

Everything was covered in ice. Even the stubby horns on Chester’s head had icicles forming on them. The creature whined, shivering from the cold as Maxwell picked it up.

“Wilson.” He growled at the human, who was down on the ground reaching under furniture for something. “Why is my home covered in _ice_?!”

“No reason! None at all!” Wilson continued looking under the furniture. “Just, uh, just busy yourself with something. I’ll have this fixed in no time.”

“No time he says.” Maxwell rolled his eyes, scoffing.

Wilson let out a yelp as Maxwell lifted the mortal up from the floor by the collar of his signature red vest, holding him up like a kitten and glared into his deep brown eyes.

“Explain. _Now._ ”

Wilson chuckled, rubbing his arm. “Wellll… I may or may not have accidentally dropped some ice beads in a brew that was more than recommended.”

“ _Wilson!_ ”

“It was an accident! I swear! I just tripped and the whole batch went into the caldron!”

“ _The **whole** batch?!_ It’ll take hours for everything to thaw out!”

“Ah. See, that’s where you’re wrong!” Somehow managing to slip out of Maxwell’s grasp, Wilson got back on the floor, reaching under the furniture again.

“What are you doing?”

“Hang on. I almost… ah-ha!” Wilson smiled triumphantly as he pulled out something from under the furniture. When he saw what Wilson was holding, Maxwell groaned.

“Oh no.”

“Oh yes!” Wilson beamed as he stood up. “My new batch of Heat Up potion! New ingredients and everything!”

“Please tell me you tested this batch.”

“Pft! Test?! Who needs to test anything when you know it will certain work?”

Maxwell groaned as he followed the shorter man to the kitchen. “Wilson, there are reason why everybody runs a test on new potions. Mainly so they don’t come back to blow up in their face later.”

“It’s not going to blow up in my face! I’m sure of it!” Wilson went over to the large stone oven, grasping the handle and tugging. He frowned, pulling on the handle harder. “Um… C-could you hold this for a moment?”

Maxwell’s frowned deepened, taking the held out bottle in his hold.

For about two minutes, Wilson tried to pry open the oven door, pulling on the handle with all his might as the vampire watched with a blank face. All while not realizing that the door was completely frozen over with thick ice.

Sighing irritably, Maxwell tugged Wilson off, handing him Chester and the Heat Up potion. Grabbing the edges of the door, he effortlessly tore the door of its frozen hinges, tossing it away and glaring at Wilson.

“Now you owe me a new over _and_ wardrobe door.”

Wilson chuckled nervously, stepping around the vampire. “Okay! Now watch and be amazed as this house becomes free of its icy prison!” Popping of the bottle top, Wilson poured a few drops into the oven.

~*~

Miles and miles away in her little hut, Wickerbottom was busy finishing up one of her new spells, writing down the last incantation letters when her home shook with a mighty force.

She waited for everything to be still again, waiting for a few seconds before dipping the end of her quill in ink and finished her work for the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "And THAT is why you need to test your potions before using them!"


	3. Formal Visit

Simmons Swine wasn’t the bravest of monsters around. For the great Sōzōnushi sake, he’d run at the first sight of danger! Might even wet his pants if he was given so much as a spook.

He had no idea how he became mayor of his small town, or how so many monsters looked up to him for advice. His poor old piggy heart just couldn’t handle to continuous stress. Cursed with such a weak muscle that was vital in keeping him alive, he had a very taxing time keeping himself from being overworked and stressing so much so not to accidentally send himself to an early grave. Though with his age right now, an early grave didn’t seem so early now. But still, Simmons still needed daily routine exercises to keep his old heart going. With special medication too of course.

Hence why he stood before the one house that most monsters were afraid of in all the monster land. A simple two story high building that was built against the side of large rock, with overgrown vegetation and rotting wooden boards. One of the windows on the upper side of the house had a large green root sticking out a broken window, stretching all the way down to the soil with rose bushes surrounding it. The only thing separating him and the house was a wooden broken down fence with overgrown vines of vegetation.

The whole thing screamed at him to turn his curly pig tail and head back home to his safe little town of Hogsmend… if it weren’t for the fact that he had visited this place so much that nothing about it scared him.

No. The looks didn’t scare him.

Despite appearances, Simmons knew this place was of little scare here. It was more of caution that he was leaning towards other than being so scared of this place. Why? Well, for starters was the big eye popping sign to the right of the fence that read—

 _𝐻𝐸𝐿𝐿𝒪_ _!_ 𝑀𝑜𝓃𝓈𝓉𝑒𝓇𝓈 𝓌𝑒𝓁𝒸𝑜𝓂𝑒𝒹 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝒾𝓃𝓉𝑒𝓇𝑒𝓈𝓉𝓈 𝒾𝓃 𝓅𝑜𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃 𝑒𝓍𝓅𝑒𝓇𝓉𝒾𝓈𝑒 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒹𝑜𝒸𝓉𝑜𝓇 𝑒𝓍𝒶𝓂𝒾𝓃𝒶𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝒶𝓃𝓎 𝒶𝒾𝓁𝓂𝑒𝓃𝓉 𝑜𝓇 𝓅𝓇𝑜𝒷𝓁𝑒𝓂!

Followed by a smaller less friendly sign next to it that read—

ᑭᒪEᗩᔕE IGᑎOᖇE TᕼE ᔕIGᑎ TO TᕼE ᒪEᖴT ᗩᑎᗪ ᗰOᐯE ᗩᒪOᑎG. Iᖴ YOᑌ'ᖇE ᒪOOKIᑎG ᖴOᖇ ᑭOTIOᑎᔕ Oᖇ ᗰEᗪIᑕᗩᒪ TᖇEᗩTᗰEᑎT, **GO** **ᔕ** **O** **ᗰ** **E** **ᗯᕼ** **E** **ᖇ** **E E** **ᒪᔕ** **E**. TᕼᗩᑎK YOᑌ.

Followed by another sign.

𝒟𝑜 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝓂𝒾𝓃𝒹 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓈𝑒𝒸𝑜𝓃𝒹 𝓈𝒾𝑔𝓃. 𝒯𝒽𝑒𝓎 𝒹𝑜𝓃'𝓉 𝓂𝑒𝒶𝓃 𝒾𝓉.

Which was followed by another sign.

I **_ᗰ_** ** _E_** ** _ᗩᑎ_** IT.

Which was followed by.

𝑀𝒶𝓍𝓌𝑒𝓁𝓁 𝓈𝓉𝑜𝓅 𝓅𝓊𝓉𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝓈𝒾𝑔𝓃𝓈 𝓃𝑒𝓍𝓉 𝓉𝑜 𝓂𝒾𝓃𝑒! 𝒜𝓃𝒹 𝓈𝓉𝑜𝓅 𝒷𝑒𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓈𝑜 𝓇𝓊𝒹𝑒!

OKᗩY.

𝒟𝒾𝒹 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒿𝓊𝓈𝓉 𝓈𝑒𝓇𝒾𝑜𝓊𝓈𝓁𝓎 𝓅𝓊𝓁𝓁𝑜𝓊𝓉 𝓂𝓎 𝒻𝒾𝓇𝓈𝓉 𝓉𝓌𝑜 𝓈𝒾𝑔𝓃𝓈?! 𝒫𝓊𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓂 𝒷𝒶𝒸𝓀!

OKᗩY.

𝓦𝓗𝓨 𝓓𝓘𝓓 𝓨𝓞𝓤 𝓟𝓐𝓘𝓝𝓣 𝓞𝓥𝓔𝓡 𝓣𝓗𝓔𝓜?! 𝓝𝓞𝓦 𝓘 𝓗𝓐𝓥𝓔 𝓡𝓔𝓦𝓡𝓘𝓣𝓔 𝓔𝓥𝓔𝓡𝓨𝓣𝓗𝓘𝓝𝓖!

ᗩᑎᗪ I ᗯOᑌᒪᗪ ᑕᗩᖇE ᗷEᑕᗩᑌᔕE...?

𝐵𝑒𝒸𝒶𝓊𝓈𝑒 𝐼'𝓁𝓁 𝓊𝓈𝑒 𝒴𝒪𝒰𝑅 𝓂𝑜𝓃𝑒𝓎 𝓉𝑜 𝒷𝓊𝓎 𝓃𝑒𝓌 𝓈𝒾𝑔𝓃𝓈 𝒾𝒻-

At that the signs ended. Shame. Simmons had wanted to know what the rest of the sign said.

Focusing back on the house, Simmons pushed open the gate, making his way over to the door, and politely rung the bell the hung next to the doorway.

Something small, fuzzy, and orange rushed out as the door swung open, tackling Simmons in the chest with a force that sent the fine Pigman tumbling backwards. His face then had a warm wet tongue slobber all over him and his fine pressed suit.

“Oh Mayor Simmons I’m so sorry! Bad Chester! Bad! Get off the mayor!” The small weight of the chest creature was removed from Simmons chest. “I am so sorry Mayor Simmons! I forgot you were to visiting this hour!”

“T's good now Wilson. Nay harmeth done.” Simmons waved away the human’s worry, taking the hand held out to help him up. Taking out a handkerchief and patted away the slobber. “I seeth Chest'r is in high spirits tonight. W're thee anon thy way on a walketh this fine night?”

“Yep!” Wilson smiled brightly, holding up a bone with an eye with horns on top. “Though, I’m glad you came by just now, otherwise you would have been standing here for hours.”

“Valorous f'rtune forsooth.” Simmons smiled, pocketing his handkerchief. “But I'm afraid I needeth to keepeth this visiteth sh'rt. Doth thee has't mine own medication eft?”

“Oh! Yes, let me just grab it real quick. Please, come in for a moment while I get it?” Wilson stepped aside, allowing Simmons entry into the house he called home.

Once inside, Simmons froze and blinked. And blinked. And blinked again and… nope. He wasn’t imagining it. There was a sentient flower and mushroom war going on in the living room

“Sorry about the mess.” Wilson carefully stepped over a pair of daisies and tulips that were rolling all over the floor in a struggle to overpower some red and green mushrooms. “If I remembered that you were coming over this early, I would have cleaned everything up.”

“Oh, n-no w'rry.” Simmons waved Wilson’s worry away, watching a rose using a sword made out of thorns to cut through mushroom after mushroom. “T's not yond much troubleth.”

“Well make yourself comfortable then. I’ll be right back with your medication.” Wilson chirped, making his way while avoiding stepping on any flowers and mushrooms to the second floor, leaving Simmons alone to watch the plant vs. fungus war.

“Humph. It’s only you.” Simmons, who would in no means admit it to anyone, squealed like a startled pig instead of the fine gentlepig he was raised to be.

“Oh calm down, it’s only me.” Simmons glared at the other occupant who lived, or non-lived, here in this house, patting his chest to slow down his racing heart.

“Wretch'd vampire, thee nearly gaveth me a heart attacketh! Thee not has't any ingraft senseth in yond headeth of yours?”

There was a blank stare on the vampire’s face. “… What?”

“I hath said doth thee has't any ingraft senseth in yond walnut thee calleth a brain? In earnest, popping in and out of thin air with nay warning 'r signaleth. Couldst has't ceased mine own heart with fright hadst I not known thee hath lived h're.” Simmons huffed at the vampire, lifting one leg up for a tumbling achillea and sroom to go by.

Maxwell stared at Simmons like he grew another head. “… I… um…”

Simmons sighed. “Oh hark to me. Not being v'ry gentlemanly. F'rgive mine own rudeness maxwell, I meanteth nay harmeth by mine own w'rds. Thee just startl'd me a did bite and I tooketh t out on thee in such a harsh tone. F'rgive me f'r mine own improp'r mann'rs.” The pair ducked as a marigold went sailing over their heads.

“F'rgiving me f'r intruding on mine own rudeness again, but wherefore doth thee has't a war going on in thy living cubiculo? T's not one of the m're strang'r things yond has't hath happened so far h're, though t is c'rtainly new. Is this anoth'r one of Wilson’s exp'riments? Brew gone wrong? Inc'rrect incantation? Misseth w'rd'd spelleth? And wherefore only floweth'rs and mushrumps? A—”

“Got it!” Wilson’s voice called out, cutting Simmons conversation with Maxwell short. “Sorry it took so long. Had to double check to be sure it was your medication and not anyone else’s.” Wilson came down the stairs holding a bottle that was no doubt Simmons heart medicine in his hands and with Chester for some strange reason riding on top his fuzzy black head.

“Most wondrous! Thanketh thee Wilson. Thy w'rk is much appreciat'd.” Simmons nodded his head as Wilson handed him the bottle, trading it with a small bag filled with money to the human.

“It’s no problem at all Mayor Simmons. Just remember to take it in its usual amount of doses in the morning and evening.” Wilson smiled before noticing Maxwell standing beside the mayor. “Maxwell? I thought you were out hunting?”

“I finished hunting.” Maxwell shrugged, catching a tiny spear in midair that was aimed for his eye.

“But… you just left an hour ago? Don’t you usually take longer than that?”

“Wasn’t hungry as I thought.” Maxwell snapped the tiny spear in two, tossing it over his shoulder. “Now… kindly explain to me why there’s a _war_ going on in _my living room?_ ”

Wilson chuckled nervously as Maxwell crossed his arms and glared down at him. This, Simmons figured by the tension and dark aura the vampire was giving off, was as good enough as a cue to get out of there before things got out of hand and wrapped him up in it as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Seriously, how are you able to understand all that?"
> 
> "What? Pig Latin?"
> 
> "No, that wasn't pig Latin. I know what THAT sounds like."


	4. Stay, Stay, STAY

"Defon Aliterious. Thanteria. Basile Guol. Paulmeria Safrinha. Yanja Qik. Sefin Xelber." Wilson listed off the names of various potions he kept organized in the lab's spare closet. Today had felt slow, with only a minor visit from a centaur with a sprained leg and phoenix suffering a sneezing fit.  
  
Nothing much that Wilson couldn't fix up with a splint and medication. But that was all that happened this morning, and Wilson found himself very bored. Not a good thing to happen to someone like him.  
  
Espacially when he was alone in the house. Maxwell had gone out to gather the mail, leaving Wilson by himself. The vampire had told him not to mess with anything or craft any potions while he was gone. Normally, Wilson complied and did as the vampire requested, buuuut Maxwell took an awfully long time get the mail. And the lab WAS getting a little dusty.  
  
"Darcafairous Drake. Tudison Razfer. Gangillious Xussly. Hangthoot Qivernit. Vankul Phiaira-AH HA! Here it is!" Wilson snatched a bottle off one of the shelves, grinning ear to ear. "Celonium Furdawn. I knew I still had one left."  
  
Stepping out and locking the door tight, he pocketed the bottle in his vest and made his way over to the only window the lab had, which was blocked and covered by hanging plants, stacks of books, diagrams and recipes taped against the glass, Chester, and an odd colored stain that Wilson could never figure out.  
  
The living furry chest panted happily as Wilson walked over, scratching it between its horns. "Who's a good Chester? You are! Yes you are!" Wilson cooed at the creature, laughing as it rolled on its back begging for a belly rub. "Oh you are such a good friend Chester. I don't see why Maxwell dislikes having you around."  
  
It was true. While there were a few times the vampire cared for Chester, Maxwell was very insistent that Wilson kept the living chest away from him. He didn't know why Maxwell didn't like Chester, the furry creature hardly did anything that could get on the vampire's bad side.  
  
"Maxwell's just a grumpy grump I suppose." Wilson gave Chester one more pat before picking them up and setting them on the floor. "Oh well. Can't win them all over." He turned to get more items out of the windows way only to find Chester had hopped back up on the window idly panting at Wilson. "Chester. You silly thing." Wilson patted it on the head.  
  
"I'll play with you later, okay?" He picked up the furry chest again and set it down on the floor, only to turn around and find it sitting right against the window again. "Chester." Picking it up again, Wilson walked to the far end of the room and set Chester down by the door. "Stay."  
  
Wilson turned and jumped in surprise to see Chester already sitting at the window. "Wha-? How?" He looked back and forth from the spot he placed Chester in to where the furry chest sat now. With a huff, Wilson marched over to Chester, picked it up, marched back to the door, this time opening it and placing Chester outside the lab. "Stay. Staaay." He pointed at the chest for a few seconds, slowly closing the door while keeping an eye on it, closing the door slightly before opening it up to make sure Chester stayed in the spot outside before finally closing the door and turning back to the window...  
  
... and finding Chester panting happily where it sat against it.  
  
"WHA-?! YOU?! How?!!" Wilson exclaimed before growling, grabbing Chester and leaving the lab, down the stairs, out the back door, into the garden in the far back corner, and setting Chester down. "STAY." Wilson glared at the creature, slowly backing away. "Stay." He kept his eyes on the furry creature, keeping his eyes focused on it as he backed up further from it. "Staaaay." He still kept his eyes on it, hitting his back against the wall and reaching towards the door. "Staaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay."  
  
Chester panted happily where it sat.  
  
Wilson stared at it for a long minute before nodding his head, entering the house, making sure to lock the door, and happily walked back the his lab.  
  
Where Chester was waiting for him at the window.

"... Maybe I'm not making this clear for you." Wilson walked up to the window, looking down at the happy panting orange furry chest. "Yoooouuuu. Staaaaaaay. Oooooouuuuutssssiiiide." Wilson smushed his hands against Chester's sides, lifting it up and placing it back outside the lab. "Weeeeeeeeeee pllllllaaaayyyyyy laaaaaaatttteeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Okaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyy?"  
  
"Ruff!"  
  
"Good!" Wilson slammed the door. "Now back to-!" He turned around, tripping over something and landing on his face. "... mumph, mm mm mph?"  
  
Chester panted happily, even with one of Wilson's legs laid on top of its head.  
  
Pulling his face off the floor, Wilson looked back at the panting creature, frowning deeply. "Chesssterrr. I DON'T. Have TIME. To PLAY with you." Wilson shifted his body so he was sitting in front of the orange furry chest. "I. Need. To. Clean. The. Lab." Wilson spoke slowly, waving his arms around. "I. Don't. Want. To. Play. Oooookaaaaay?"  
  
Chester stared at him a moment. Then dragged its wet tongue against Wilson's face.  
  
"... Good! I'm glad we had this talk!" Wilson smiled, patting Chester's head and got off the floor. "Now, I really need to start cleaning this place up! Starting with the-" He looked up, spotting Chester sitting right at the window. "... window."  
  
The man huffed, placing his hands on his hip and tapped one foot, thinking a moment. A light bulb lit up above his thick head of strange hair. "Ah Ha!" He grabbed the light bulb, tossing over his shoulder as he went back to the spare closet. A few moments later, he stood in front of Chester, smiling oddly at the creature.  
  
" _Heeeeeey_ buddy. Do you know what this is?" He held up a bottle full of purple liquid.  
  
Chester continued panting.  
  
"This is a SPECIAL potion that'll take you someplace _faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar_ away." Wilson unscrewed the top, revealing a squeezer attached to it. "Maxwell tested this out for me, and he didn't come right away." Squeezing some of the potion into the tube, Wilson held it over Chester. "Oh don't worry. _You'll be gone for only a moment_." He squeezed a drop out of the tube, watching fall onto Chester's head.  
  
POP.  
  
Chester was gone.  
  
"YES!" Wilson whooped for joy.  
  
POP.  
  
Wilson stared at Chester, who happily panted at him.  
  
"... well I did say you'd be gone for a moment." Wilson shrugged, tossing the potion over his shoulder. "Come on, Chester! I need to start cleaning! Normally Maxwell usually helps, slash forced to help, me with this but he's not here so I only need you to move for five minutes from the window so I can use this potion." He reached in his vest, pulling out the Celonium Furdawn. "To clean out everything an-"  
  
Chester barked, hopping up, opening their maw wide and clamping it down on Wilson's hand.  
  
Wilson stared at the living chest. And then proceeded to run all over the lab flailing his arm around wildly. " _No Chester no! That's a potion! Not a treat!_ "  
  
With his arm flailing about, items were knocked off the tables and shelves, falling to the ground making a huge mess. A misplaced potion sat at the end of a table, which was slapped into the air, hovering a moment before falling and smashing on top of Chester's head.  
  
Wilson stopped in his flailing, looking wide eyed at the liquid dripping down Chester's orange fur that was beginning to glow. "... Uh oh."

~*~

"Bill, bill, complaint, bill, complaint, complaint, medical bill, complaint, bill, more complaints." Maxwell sighed as he flipped through the bundle of mail. He knew he needed to stop checking on the mail only once a month, but he wasn't surprised by the amounts of complaints that were shuffled in with the bills.

"Bill, complaint, bill, complaint, bi-oh! A medical request." Maxwell smiled, pulling out a small blue envelope from the bundle of mail. He squinted his eyes, looking at the address written in the corner. "Pearl Lagoon. Oh. Must be a mermaid." He pocketed the envelope in his suit. "Must be that time of year again. Let's see... bill, bill, complaint, bill, complaint, bill, black letter, complaint, complaint, bill, compl-wait." The vampire stopped in his tracks.  
  
Going back a few complaints, a black letter sat innocently on top of the bundle. There was no address or anything written on the front. Brows creasing, Maxwell lifted the letter, wondering if the usual mail centaur had accidentally put someone else's mail in with his. It wasn't the first time this had happened.  
  
Flipping the letter over, however, Maxwell's eyes widened.  
  
Stuffing the letter into his pants pocket, he growled, sending the rest of the mail home to his coffin through magic. "Of all the bloody!" Maxwell growled pinching his nose and trying to calm himself down. He didn't want to return grumpier than normal. Wilson would only get concern and then curious. And he knew how curious that human got.  
  
Using the breathing technique his Wilson had taught him, despite how many times he thought it was silly seeing as vampires didn't need to breath, Maxwell slowly relaxed, easing his anger into a manageable state. Sighing, he made his way home, hoping that Wilson managed to behave himself while he was away...  
  
Who was he kidding?  
  
Wilson more than likely got bored waiting for him to return, and Maxwell was most certain that when he rounded the old oak, he was going to find his house upside down, or with wings, or on fire, again, or all cartoonist, or in some mad style of artistic sense, or in pieces, or-  
  
Maxwell stopped. His jaw dropping as he looked at his home.  
  
Elongated strains of hair stuck out of every window, crack, and door of his home, covering the front lawn and the walls in fuzzy hair.  
  
Fuzzy, familiar orange hair.  
  
Maxwell stared for only a few seconds before growling, marching over to the front door that was hanging by its hinges with hair pouring out of it, and stepped into the mess that was once his living room.  
  
" **WILSON! WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS MESS?!** " Maxwell shouting, looking around for any sign of dark hair. " **COME OUT AND EXPLAIN YOURSELF THIS INSTANT!** "  
  
There was no answer, but Maxwell expected as much. Huffing, he reached into his suit, pulling out the blue envelope. "Oh Wilson~ You got a medical request."  
  
" _REALLY?!_ " Wilson popped out of the hair, gasping with delight once he caught sight of the blue envelope. "GIMME!" Wilson raced over to the vampire, reaching for the envelope that was held high out from his grasp. "Gimme! Gimmegimmegimmegimme!"  
  
Maxwell held the envelope high above the shorter human's head, glaring at him all the while. " _Wilson_." He spoke in a dangerous tone that was enough to freeze Wilson's attempts at grabbing the envelope. "Why is everything covered in hair?"  
  
"Oh. That. Uh, funny story-"  
  
"Get to the point Wilson, my mood is already sour."  
  
"... a potion landed on Chester's head and made his hair grew out."  
  
Maxwell groaned, crossing his arms and rubbed his face.  
  
"Hey look on the bright side! At least that potion didn't land on my head!"  
  
"Wilson."  
  
"I mean if it did than it certainly would have been a-"  
  
"Wilson."  
  
" _Hairy_ situation."  
  
" _Wilson_."  
  
"But hey, I'm an optimist kind of guy. Irrespective of how big this problem is-"

" _Nooo_."

"I'm sure I can _straighten_ it out. Rest-"  
  
" _Stoooop_."  
  
"A- _sheared_."  
  
" _Wiiillll **sssooon!**_ "  
  
"Hey! You know the best way to avoid falling _hair_ is to get out of the way?"  
  
Maxwell's face was slowly turning red, glaring daggers at the grinning human. "Wilson. I swear, if one more pun comes out of you-"  
  
"You'll _cut_ me short?"  
  
" ** _WILSON!_** "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Oh come on. Can't appreciate a sense of humor?"
> 
> "I'll appreciate it if you weren't so full of PUNS!"
> 
> "But they're so PUNny!"
> 
> "WILSON!"
> 
> *Side note. This chapter was made on a phone, so if you see an garmer mistakes, please let me know so I can fix it. -Phones are evil and stories should be made on laptops-*


	5. Winter's Feast Eve Sales Rules

Welcome to the yearly annual Winter's Feast Eve Sales Celebration!

If you are reading this, it means that you application for the spot you've register for has been accepted. Note the following rules on the back of the letter and honor the guidelines for a safe and happy Winter's Feast Eve.

  1. Sale wears must be checked by assigned inspectors before given the clear to be sold
  2. Items can range from trinkets, food, clothing, rare items, or ingredients
  3. Respect your neighboring sales monster
  4. Items must in an agreeing sales price or on acceptable trading terms
  5. If currency is not acceptable for certain species, don't worry. A local Banker Imp will help exchange your currency to the acceptable payment of the species
  6. Do not ask about the chicken
  7. We're serious. Do NOT ask about the chicken
  8. And finally, if a strange man wearing a white plague doctor mask with strange black hair comes up to you offering a suspicious looking vial, _**TAKE THE VIAL, WAIT TILL HE'S GONE, THEN GIVE IT TO THE VAMPIRE ASKING FOR THE VIAL BACK**_



That should be all of the rules! If you have any questions, please contact Mayor Simmons Swine for any further questions.

Now, if you are still reading this ~~Wilson~~ Maxwell, we kindly ask you to read the new rules we've sent with this letter. We **STRONGLY** suggest that you read this as we have added the new rules to the list.

P.S., _PLEASE make sure Wilson reads this_

  * _Wilson will not be allowed to dump suspicious new brews in the water tank_
  * _Wilson is not allowed ~~ten~~ , __~~twenty,~~ ~~forty~~ a **hundred** feet near the water fountain_
  * _Wilson is not allowed to leave his designated sales station just because he felt like it_
  * _Wilson must wear his leash at **ALL TIMES**_
  * _Wilson is not allowed to sell the Mayor's top hat_
  * _Wilson is not allowed to sell the Mayor's coat_
  * _Wilson is not allowed to sell the Mayor's house_
  * _Wilson is not allowed to sell anything that is not owned in his possession or anyone else's belongings_
  * _Wilson is not allowed to leave his designated sales station to lick the flagpole_
  * _Wilson is not allowed to start a fire in the middle of the town square just because he was getting cold, wanted a s'more, someone else wanting a s'mores, the excuse of medical purposes, or because he was just getting bored  
_
  * _Wilson is not allowed to set off fireworks ~~early~~ EVER_
  * _Wilson is not allowed to have staring contests (mainly because he's not allowed to take his mask off in town and the cold weather)_
  * _Wilson is not allowed to managed trading of any kind without Maxwell's supervision_
  * _Wilson can have a five minute break if he gets hungry, BUT ONLY ONE_
  * _Wilson is not allowed to_ 'help' _stop fights if one were to break out_
  * _Wilson is not allowed to leave his designated sales station to watch/join/start fights_
  * _Wilson is not allowed to bring monkeys, lions, giraffes, hippos, hippogriffens, large snakes ANY DANGEROUS ANIMALS FOR 'COMFORT REASONS'_
  * ~~_Not even Chester? But he's a good boy!_~~
  * _WHO LET WILSON IN HERE?! And, on side note, Chester is allowed to come_
  * _Also Wilson is not allowed to edit this list_
  * _Wilson is not allowed to sneak potions that Maxwell has not approved of to sale_
  * _Wilson is not allowed to steal the Mayor's chair, we all had a good laugh with that one Wilson, but it was only funny the FIRST TIME_
  * _Wilson is not allowed to use potions to cheat at the festival games_
  * _Just because some kid 'double-dragon-dared' you, does NOT mean you should do it Wilson_
  * _Wilson is not allowed to leave his designated sales station to play festival games_
  * _Wilson is not allowed to talk to wendigos during the festival_
  * _Wilson is not allowed to talk to demons during the festival_
  * _Wilson is not allowed to talk to dæmons during the festival_
  * _Wilson is not allowed to go over the pun limit during the festival_
  * _Wilson is not allowed to talk to Maxwell while going over the pun limit_
  * _Wilson is not allowed to talk to Mayor Simmons while going over the pun limit_
  * _Wilson is not allowed to leave his designated sales station to talk to someone while going over the pun limit_
  * _Wilson is not allowed to repeat_ The Incident
  * _Wilson is allowed to have a polite conversation with Miss Wickerbottom_ **if** _she wants to_
  * _Wilson is not allowed to turn David into a frog_
  * _Wilson is not allowed to juggle chainsaws, flamethrowers, Maxwell, Mayor Simmons, knives, potions, heavy objects, Chester, other monsters, kids who dared him to juggle them, pies, books,_ **A N Y T H I N G** !
  * _Wilson is not allowed during and/or an attempting robbery to offer the robber candy, chat with the robber, STEAL from the robber attempting to rob him, offer them suspicious potions, have a pun-off with them, ask about their health-care or blood type, boop them on the nose, cut off or pull out their feathers/claws/horns/fur/hair/teeth/eyes/tails/skins/ears/tongues/livers because he wants to use them for a potion ingredient, throw potions, paper balls, air planes, knives, lemons, books, lamps, pies, Chester, fairies, imps, elves, chests, tables, wells, Maxwell, police man, police carriage, police force, Mayor Simmons, Woodie, Miss Wickerbottom, vampires, werewolves, mummies ghosts ( ~~How?~~ ) skeletons, slimes, harpies, centaurs, minotaurs, griffins, demons, dæmons, the robber's partner, swimming pools, Eecus, Vargs, Koalefants, Deerclops, Moosegoose, Beargers, (A ~~gain, how?! Those monsters are seriously a hundred times bigger than him and he just picks them up and chucks them like nothing!~~ ), buildings, the town, 7% of the forest-_ **STOP THROWING EVERYTHING YOU GET YOUR HANDS ON WILSON! JUST LET THE POLICE DEAL WITH IT AND LEAVE THE POOR ROBBER ALONE!**



Thank you for reading the new rules and we hope, **_REALLY_** _**HOPE**_ **,** that you will follow these new rules during Winter's Feast Eve Sales Celebration.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "HEY! Why is my list so long while everyone else gets the short one?! I'm not that bad during Winter's Feast Eve Sales!"
> 
> "This coming from the person who was involved slash started The Incident five years prior."
> 
> "It wasn't my fault half of the town was submerged in-"
> 
> "DO NOT SPEAK OF IT!"


End file.
